flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
