Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
