kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
