Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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