just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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