I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
