first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
