and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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