wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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