i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
