theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
