he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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