Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
