i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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