don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
