i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
