I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
