Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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