The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
