I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
