i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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