I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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