She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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