Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
