I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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