Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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