You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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