Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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