covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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