There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
