let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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