spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
