And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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