Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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