She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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