I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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