omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
