I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
