There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
