I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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