peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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