I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
