I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
