People in love make me want to vomit
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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