i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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