You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
