Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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