Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
