She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
