Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to cum in my sink.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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