i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
