She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
this beer tastes like vomit already
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
