the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
