I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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