i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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