i just wanna soil my oats bro
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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