Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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