i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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