well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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