his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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