I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
