I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
