life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
