forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
