Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
