Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
