Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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