I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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