Umm I'm too high to move.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
