the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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