Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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