This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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