There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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