So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
