Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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