her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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