Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
