dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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