she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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