bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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