hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
